I should be deliriously ecstatic, but the levels of restraint I'm displaying have shocked nobody more than me.Four months ago, I would have been praying for any form of communication from L, and may have even been foolish enough to mistake an excuse of so much of a FB msg from L to be some sort of god-given green signal that things were going to eventually work out. I'm well past the stage of praying and crossing my fingers every morning hoping that L would have woken up and realised the full impact of the erroneous decisions he made.Well, it happened...Today was the DAY....Yes sixteen hours ago, to be precise, L FB Inbxed me and these are his exact words:
"hi dumbo thanks for not wishing me cuz that was expected . but still hope ur doin good huh . ill wish u even after u get married ya. cuz ur still dumbo for me. hopr ur doin good tc . "
Well as you can see firsthand, he never was the profound writer, but OMG! So I hyperventilated for five minutes, mentally skimming through my telephone directory, wondering who deserved to share this earth shattering news with me.Then I started composing a reply to him in my head-one that was meant to not be overly emotional but at the same time attempted to put into words, how devastated I had been on the 12th of November, when somebody told me that they had seen him making out with a random woman. Stupid me, you say?Perhaps I was hasty in deciding to cut off all ties with him and should have atleast given him the benefit of the doubt,not to mention the scope for apologies and defence.I chose instead to believe what I heard from slimeball third party,because the stronger part of me willed me into looking at the larger picture...the one in which in which he didn't feature.
I also mustered the courage to check his Facebook profile today. I saw many random new female faces on his friends list that I never knew had been a part of his life, and I didn't feel the usual tight knot forming in my stomach-not even when I saw pictures of him having what looked like a pillow fight with one of those bitchy long-legged,shiny haired women(and that is an achievement!). It also makes me proud that I have been able to reach so far minus my usual string of rebounds.
I wish I could fast forward to a week ahead, because by then I am sure that I will be disgusted with myself for having even toyed with the idea of replying to him.
So tell me people, TELL ME am I doing the right thing? Does L deserve a reply? Should I let him know that NO i do NOT have a perfect,happening life as an uber glam magazine intern, and that I can count the days, from when I cut off all ties with him, on the tips of my fingers or would this just be me in denial paving the way for him to deny all allegations and say that his friend just wanted to ruin our perfect relationship,especially since he's always had feelings for me.
Those of you who pride yourself on being experts on male psychology, do you think L could possibly miss me and maybe like I had hoped,things are coming full circle, and he will realise that I was truly the one girl who meant something to him.OR....second, and more realistic scenario, is this just his bruised male ego,unable to deal with the fact that I haven't gone grovelling back to him and seem to be unscarred.Ponder some, and do get back to me!I promise to listen to wise advice :)
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Well, there you go.., this is your long overdue 'closure'. L's sudden re-entry could be due to his bruised ego, but it also means he was thinking of you, that he never let go of you completely. This is exactly what you've been waiting for.Its never an easy task to let go of a relationship or even the memory of one. Its human nature to stick to familiar grounds and its especially hard once you've had the comfort factor going on. you yearn for the same comfort and you always tend to compare future/prospective relationships and wonder if you'd ever have the same comfort level, if you could ever love someone the same way. Fragile human mind. But again that's how life and love works. C'est la vie. But eventually you have to let go and for that you've stop using your past relationship as a scale to judge other relationships. Give life and love a chance. If you never give it a chance you'll never know the true meaning of love.
ReplyDeleteYou've been waiting long enough for just some form, any form of communication from L. and this, you were waiting for because you wanted to know that he didn't entirely forget you. that you were still somehow a part of his life. And now you know for sure that he thinks about you. and leaving aside the fact that he is a total loser, he still has respect for you which you never expected off him. And assume the reason he wrote to you was because he simply couldn't accept the fact that you'd forgotten all about him and moved on, that still proves that there is a small part of him that needs you. This is not an implication that you two should get together. You needed to know that he still remembers you and now you know. This is where it stops. You have an option: you can either reply with dignity, not a word about how you feel, just a happy birthday wish and wishing him well for life or you can bring up old stuff and play the blame game and feel like shit later for being immature and starting something all over again. Or you need not reply and let him make his own assumptions. In every situation, life always offers different option, an easy one and a difficult one. But the choice is yours. Make a wise decision, love. Go ahead and live your life:) And get yourself some chocolates for Vday.
When we do break up, women find a hundred reasons to store the love in their heart forever and we refuse to let go of it whereas a man takes hardly any time to throw it in the bin. The truth is probably that a man feels too exposed to let anyone know that he too has got affected by the sudden change of course in his life and it is unsettling for him as well. But we see even the smartest and most intelligent of women pondering over the same problems! Elle, one has to realise that when a girl does end her relationship, it is only after she is hundred precent sure that there is absolutely nothing in it to hold onto! Till the shred of hope lives on, we refuse to let go. The primary reason for that is that we are very scared of the transition phase that every person has to go through once a relationship is over. It is during this phase that we feel lonely, feel dejected and start doubting our own abilities to be a good girlfriend, our looks etc. This is your transition phase. You are a smart female who is working towards a brilliant career path and it is only a matter of time when you will bump into someone who is rightfully yours! If I do understand anything of the male pyshic, I would suggest that you wait. With time, it will become clear to you as to whether or not, L can or cannot do without you and also, you will get to know as to whether or not, you would want to go back to the same old thing again. I have a very strong feeling that with a matter of time, even if L does comes back, you would be too busy with a better perspective!
ReplyDeleteThanks you guys *hug* and I've already gone back to my not really caring enough to get back in touch with L,so he can lay eggs while he waits for a reply(that isn't ever going his way) :)
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